Puppy Dog Tales

Hello! I’m Tansy, one of Bron’s Border Collies. Bron’s been very busy lately, as she’s working hard to finish a book, so she’s really been neglecting her blog and her readers. Being a Border Collie, I’m pretty smart, and when Gordon was away in May I worked out how to send emails to him, and now I’ve worked out how to post to Bron’s blog. I can use Bron’s iPad when she’s concentrating hard on her computer. I’m getting pretty good at typing with my toes, and it’s definitely easier on the iPad than on the iPhone.

Anyway, I just wanted to assure everyone that we’re all fine here, and although Bron’s working very hard, my sister Jaffa (aka The Princess Dog) and I are making sure she gets walks every day, and that she stops staring at the screen long enough and often enough to give us lots of pats, ‘cos we know that’s healthy for humans.

Since Bron’s book won’t be published for a little while yet, I thought you might like to read the emails Jaffa and I sent Gordon while he was away in Outback Queensland, looking for dinosaur bone. (You can look at his photos here.)

(Just a note for any ‘Merican readers – we know about ‘Merica ‘cos we watch films – what we call a biscuit here isn’t what you call a biscuit. For us, a biscuit is a doggy treat. Yum. Oh, and our place is called The Wolery, and it’s a 100 Acre Wood.)

So, below the fold you’ll find some of our emails to entertain you. Now, I’d better go and remind Bron that it’s dinner time.

Dear Gordon,
We had such a busy night last night! It didn’t start so well – as Bron was putting us out in the run, there was a loud gunshot, and I got so scared that I couldn’t eat my biscuit. Bron made me take it twice, but I dropped it on the ground each time. I just couldn’t swallow. Jaffa wasn’t so scared, so she ate my biscuit, too. Bron told us it would be all right, and left us in the run, and she was right because there were only a couple more shots a while later, and they were much further away.

But then – and this is the exciting bit! – later on there was a Thing! In the run with us! Oh, we barked and barked and barked at the Thing! We barked and barked until Bron woke up – and she shouted at us to leave the Thing alone. So we did, ‘cos we’re good puppies. Mostly. The Thing came back when it was still oh-dark o’clock though, and it got cheeky so we had to bark and bark and bark at it again. And Bron shouted at us again. But she must have woken up enough to hear the thunder, and to see the lightning, and guess what? Before the storm came really close, she came out and got us! In her purple fluffy dressing gown!

We were a bit excited, but she gave us some pats, and told us she wanted to go back to bed, so we settled down on the floor on your side of the bed and we all went back to sleep. This morning it’s raining, so we had a sleep-in, and Bron’s fed us inside, and because we did so much running around in the night, we’re not desperate for a pee yet.

Jaffa wants to write something now.

I miss you and our runs!

Lotsa licks and snuggles,
Tansy

Dear Running Man,
On our walk yesterday, I found a nice soft smelly tasty bit of poofood, but Biskit Lady growled at me when I tried to eat it. She yelled at me when I wanted to eat the Thing in the run last night, too. But she rescued me from the rain even before it started, and she gave me lots of pats this morning, and my food. I like Biskit Lady. Except when she’s growly. She doesn’t understand how hungry a Princess can be.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL,

Princess Jaffa

Dear Gordon,
We slept inside last night, and we were very, very good and quiet and didn’t wake Bronwyn up. It wasn’t raining this morning, so we all went for a walk around the western loop. AND we had some biscuit games. With the new bigger popcorn biscuits. Bronwyn said she couldn’t get the smaller ones we usually have, but we don’t mind a bit.

Bronwyn had to go off to work again, but we had a snoozle after our walk and games, and then the gas man came, and we barked and barked at him, so he knew we were there. He didn’t come and say hello to us, though, like Bob and Kerry do. We like them much better than the gas man.

Bron managed to get home a bit earlier today, but it was raining a bit, so we didn’t get much of a walk. Curling up in our baskets in nice, though, and we gave Bron lots of licks so she knows that we love her. She says that she doesn’t like leaving us all the time, but she’s trying to become a best-smelling author so she doesn’t have to go off to work so often. I think she’s a pretty good-smelling author myself, but maybe if she rolled around in some of that roadkill you were talking about, she’d become an international star.

Speaking of stars, I worked some more on my tunnels to China today, but then I had to start a new tunnel, because Jaffa decided that she wants to go to Hollywood and be a star. She says she’s totally qualified, since she’s blonde, silly, and beautiful, so she might as well be blonde, silly and rich. But when I told her that she probably wouldn’t actually like Hollywood, and they’d make her work hard, and that you wouldn’t want to go there, she changed her mind. So I decided to start digging for dinosaurs, and began another hole.

It’s raining outside now, so I think Bron will let us sleep inside again tonight. I promise I’ll go and lean against her leg every so often so that she can take a break from her work and rub my back. It’s a tough job, but I’ve heard that patting dogs helps to lower human blood pressure and stress levels and therefore I’ll do it just for her.

Have you found any dinosaurs yet? And are you bringing home any roadkill for us?

Lots of licks and love,
Tansy

Dear Running Man,
Do you think Mr Disney would like to come here and make a film of me? I’m even better at running through the paddocks with the wind blowing through my flowing locks than Lassie is. As long as I don’t have to run very far, and there’s biskits to run to, that is. I’m sure Lassie had biskits. And I am very, very good at doing the tragic, starved look.

(Do you think Lassie had a wind machine, so she didn’t actually have to do the running-thing?)

All this thinking is tiring my brain, so I’m going to go and recline on my cushions now. (See, I really would make a good star.)

Lots of slobbery licks to you and Kerry and Bob,
Jaffa

Dear Gordon,
we slept inside again last night. It wasn’t really raining, but Bron’s a softie, and since we did our poos very quickly without dragging her all around the dark paddocks, she let us stay.

When I wasn’t sleeping, I was being very quiet, and I did some thinking about this Hollywood thing. I don’t actually want to go to Hollywood, but maybe we can do some of that stuff here. We could become the new Hollywood – WoleryWood. I think that’s got a good sound to it, don’t you? And we’ve even got woods, which the other place doesn’t. Anyway, it could be fun to make some movies. I can imagine a film trailer advertising ‘the latest WoleryWood thriller – ‘Roo Raiders – starring Tangelina Collie’.

It could be a high energy, high action, all jumping and running adventure, in which our heroine (that’s me) protects the local kangaroo family from a mob of other ‘roos who are trying to hop in on their patch. There could be lots of chases through the bush, and jumping over things, and some serious barking. If we have to have a hero, then I think it should be a dingo – because an action girl like me could only fall for the strong, silent type, a wild rebel lad from the wrong side of the taxonomy.

What do you think? Should Bron and I start working on the script?

While Bron’s at work, I’ll go and start rehearsing my barking.

Lots of licks and love,
Tansy (Tangelina is only my screen name. I’m going to stay your lovable, sensible intelligent dog despite our success, ‘cos I’ve got all four paws firmly on the ground. Except when I’m jumping, but I know exactly where the ground is.)

Dear Running Man,
I was dreaming last night about something other than food. I dreamed about my film reviews. They’re going to go like this:

Jaffa Gabor is stunning in the tragic tale of the beautiful Puppy L’Amour, imprisoned behind a high fence, starved and ignored. Her scenes at the gate are truly heart-wrenching. Fortunately for Puppy, Gordog Hunter (masterfully played by the very handsome Inspector Rex) is on the case, and he won’t stop until he sniffs her out and rescues her.

I think I’ll go and recline on my colour-coordinated cushion and look beautiful, just in case someone takes a photo of me.

I’ll imagine I’m snuggling up to you and having my tummy rubbed.

Snuggle, snuggle,
Jaffa Gabor.

Dear Gordon,
Last night, when Bron took us out for a walk, I smelled another Thing! It was so exciting, and I dashed around, sniffing all over the place, and I really, really wanted to go and find the Thing…but Bron wouldn’t let me. I think she was cold. (She doesn’t have a nice fur coat like me.) Anyway, I’d been so excited, that when we came back inside I got the coughs, and so Bron took me (just me, without Jaffa – that’s fun!) outside again. Bron wanted me to do a poo, but I was still so excited, and the Thing smell was so strong, that I just couldn’t take the time to do a poo. Bron wasn’t very excited about the Thing – I don’t think she could smell it. You and she aren’t very good sniffers, are you? Maybe it’s because your noses are so far from the ground. If you put your nose to the ground, I bet you’d get excited about smells, too.

Anyway, we slept inside last night, and we were very good and quiet. This morning, Bron took us for a walk down the middle track, and there are some very interesting smells down that way at the moment, too. We went for a little explore off the track, ‘cos Jaffa and I wanted to, and Bron took us to the tree we sometimes sniff – the one with the narrow hole about nose level. And guess what?? As we got there, there was a Thing! Inside the tree! We saw it! It ran up, right inside the tree! And we could hear it! I’ve never seen or heard a Thing inside a tree. Bron says it must have been a Possum Thing, ‘cos it was about Possum Thing size. I stopped still and listened to it for a bit, but Bron didn’t get a photo of me with my head tilted, concentrating on what I could hear.

Jaffa was more interested in eating poo, than in the Thing, of course. I had some quite nice poo this morning, too. You really should try it some time. I could show you the proper techniques for poo appreciation. First you have a sniff of it, and then you taste it, and you roll it around in your mouth to really savour the subtle layers of flavour before you swallow it. I’m sure you’d pick it up quickly, ‘cos I’ve seen you do the same thing with that red liquid in the glass that you drink.

Well, that’s about it for news from here for today. It was sunny this morning, so we lay out in the warmth for a bit. Bron didn’t get home until after dark, but she’s fed us now, so our tummies are nice and full. I’d get Jaffa to say hello, too, but she needs to go out for a pee, and I want to send this soon so that you can read it over dinner.

Lots of love and snuggles from both of us,

Tansy & Jaffa

PS Do you think we should do a WoleryWood musical? We could call it The Thing and I. I’m not sure what musical style would work best for us, though – perhaps in the style of a Bark Cantata?